tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51180832011-12-29T09:13:34.708-05:00George W Bush, PresidentMr. Cheney and Mr. Rove won't let me talk in meetings, so I'm bringing my ideas to the people.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.comBlogger401100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1155408385066898632006-08-12T14:40:00.000-04:002006-08-12T15:06:41.583-04:00Reading CamusYep. I really read that there Camus book. Mr. Snow said it'd give me grabbitass. I don't know what that means, but I like the sound of it.The book didn't make much sense to me, but I guess you can't expect a killer whale to make a lot of sense, especially one that can't even spell his own name right.Still, it's amazing that he was able to write it at all. It must be hard to write with flippers, Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1132128408068469002005-11-16T02:10:00.000-05:002005-11-16T03:20:47.170-05:00Memo to the Secret Service.Re: My Strawberries.Somebody ate my strawberries. I put them in the little fridge I keep here in my bunker on Air Force One, but now they're gone. I bet Koizumi's behind it. He's wanted my strawberries since he first saw them while visiting me during my first term.Who helped him? Someone had to get into the bunker while I was out pretending that everything is OK. It wasn't Koizumi, because I was Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1097726627906475102004-10-13T23:31:00.000-04:002004-10-14T00:03:47.906-04:00I know black peopleTonight, at the debate, Carry said that I never met with the NWPCAA or the Congressman Black Cockus (he, he, cockus--why do they call themselves that?). Of course I denied it right away and then after the debate, I asked Mr. Rove if it was true.
He said, "remember those really old basketball players that came to visit you?" I said I didm and he said that was the Congressman Black Cockus. Then I Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1097451610733644512004-10-10T18:53:00.000-04:002004-10-10T20:00:59.550-04:00Being President is Hard WorkI don't like these debate things. Everybody's always telling me how to act at them. They even took away my Ny-Quil about a week before the first one. That made me all shaky, and I started to see giant spiders in my room. And they didn't have spider heads neither. Instead, they all had Uncle Dick's head on their bodies, and they were saying they were going to interrogate me by putting glow sticks Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com197tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1081915331429304422004-04-14T00:02:00.000-04:002004-04-14T00:06:01.500-04:00Followup
I thought I should expend on my remarks about the pressed conference. A lot of the reporters asked me if I made mi...mis...mis...uhhh, if I had re...re...regrrr...hmmm...uhhh, if I should tell the 9-11 families that I was sor...sor..sor...uhhh, if somebody made a mistake and if they owed the public an apology.
Sure, people made mistakes. Saddam bin Laden made a huge one. He built a Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1076393947027606452004-02-10T01:19:00.000-05:002004-02-10T01:23:04.920-05:00I got another card
My wife (a wife is like a mom who isn't drunk all of the time), Laura, read me this story that says I got another card:
Muhsin Khadr al-Khafaji, No. 48 on the 55 most-wanted list, was turned over last weekend to U.S. troops in the Baghdad area, the officials said, speaking on the condition of anonymity. The officials did not say who turned him over. Mr. Cheney says that Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1076393462775898552004-02-10T01:11:00.000-05:002004-02-10T01:13:28.200-05:00I've got Joementum!
That's what daddy says and then he laughs.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1075788332267090972004-02-02T23:55:00.000-05:002004-02-03T11:05:13.640-05:00I missed seeing Janet Jackson's boobies last night
I had too much NyQuil--I mean pretzels--and I passed out. I always miss the good stuff.
Uncle Dick told me he'd show me his boobies, but that's not the same. I want to see girl boobies. Mr. Rove said that I have to wait until I'm married and then said, "hey wait, you are married," and looked at me kind of funny.
I'm going to ask Laura if I canGen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1074616051283687352004-01-20T11:27:00.000-05:002004-01-20T11:36:08.340-05:00Do you think I'm pretty?
I've been feeling really really really bad since my trip to Mexico. I just can't get over the incident with Scott Reid. You know, when a man tells another man that he thinks he's pretty, the courteous thing to do is to return the complement. Reid didn't do that. He just stood there stammering. Even more important, when the President of the greatest country in the whole Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1074550705478941802004-01-19T17:18:00.000-05:002004-01-19T18:51:53.280-05:00Mexico is fun. Canada is evil
My friend, Gen. JC Christian, tells me that people are making fun of me for saying that a certain Canadian official is a very pretty man. I said that while I was in Mexico. I like Mexico. It's a fun place, but it seems like I always get in trouble there.
My father use to get mad at me for things I did in Mexico. He would yell at me and call me a useless drunk. Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1073978396131767662004-01-13T02:19:00.000-05:002004-01-13T02:21:44.606-05:00Paul O'Neill is a big fat fibber
I was excited when I heard that Mr. Cheney had hired Paul O'Neill to be his man-secretary who keeps track of treasure. Who wouldn't be? He was a real life baseball player!
One day, after one of the meetings where we talk about cabinets, I asked him if he'd teach me how to hit a slider, but he just laughed at me. That made me so mad that I wanted to call him a Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1066620455773516952003-10-19T23:27:00.000-04:002003-10-20T01:08:57.740-04:00It's weird at my house
It's been awhile since I've talked to you. Mr. Cheney grounded me after I caught him and Mrs. Cheney reenacting the butter scene from "Last Tango in Paris" for a fundraising event. They confiscated my Ny-Quil bong and everything.
It seems like I'm always in trouble. Mr. Rove is still mad that I told Mr. Hume that I never read newspapers and that I get all of my news from Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-1060923727359126562003-08-15T01:02:00.000-04:002003-08-15T01:06:34.750-04:00I'm fair and balanced
I've heard a few evilthinkers say that my tax cuts are unfair and that my budget won't balance. Well, they're wrong. A British intelligence report says that I'm both fair and balanced.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-950937122003-05-30T15:46:00.000-04:002003-05-30T23:28:15.000-04:00I colored a picture
It's a picture of Mr. Rove. He said it was very very very very good. Now that he's in a good mood, I'm going to ask him if we can go see the Space Needle. I've lived here for three years and no one has taken me there yet. Being President sucks sometimes. The only really good thing about it is all the free NyQuil.
Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-932674482003-04-25T19:08:00.000-04:002003-04-25T19:08:34.560-04:00
I don't want Sen. Santorum to visit us any more
He's always touching my dog in funny places. He says Lou likes it -- I named my dog after Lou Dobbs because he likes to lick my face. Mr. Dobbs doesn't try to lick my face, but he really really likes me. He comes over all the time and punches me in the arm and asks if he can watch cartoons with me.
Anyway, Sen. Santorum is always kind of petting Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-925139912003-04-12T23:55:00.000-04:002003-04-13T00:52:29.000-04:00What about the Potamians?
Everybody at the President's House is talking about a new government in Iraqistan. Mr. Powell, who is our man secretary of the state (but not Jeb's state), is always worrying about Soonies and Kurds, and Sheeites and Turkeymen and how hard it will be to get them all to support whoever we appoint to be their democratically selected leader (I say we should appoint a Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-921976972003-04-08T00:01:00.000-04:002003-04-08T00:01:09.123-04:00Hey, Iraq is a whole nother country!
Why didn't anyone brief me on this?Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-920082812003-04-04T17:25:00.000-05:002003-04-04T21:48:42.000-05:00Today I learned that "vernal eqinox"is not a disease
A couple of weeks ago, a visitor to the president's house told me it was vernal equinox day. I told her that I didn't know they had a day for it, but that penicillin clears it right up. I said that I use to get it all the time when I was training to be a National Guard fighter pilot during the Vietnam War. My job was to stay home and defend Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-918255612003-04-02T01:12:00.000-05:002003-04-02T01:12:17.090-05:00Mr Cheney has a blog too
He posts from an undisguised location.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-917567802003-04-01T00:01:00.001-05:002003-04-01T01:27:50.000-05:00Mr. and Mrs Cheney do scary things
Somebody told Mr. Rove about my NyQuil bong and he took it away. I think one of you people snitched. I'm not going to write stuff here anymore if you tattle on me. So stop it.
Last night, I went down in the tunnels to drink my NyQuil without my bong. The tunnels are cool. They connect the president's house to all of the other important buildings in Washington Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-917567642003-04-01T00:01:00.000-05:002003-04-01T01:41:46.000-05:00Gen. JC Christian is going to Iraq
Mr and Mrs. Cheney are going to give him a job .Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-917375622003-03-31T18:02:00.000-05:002003-04-01T08:50:56.000-05:00People are going to make fun of the Cheneys tomorrow
I was told that it's "Make Fun of the Cheneys Day" tomorrow. By coincidence, I'm posting a story about the Cheneys tomorrow as well. I hope they don't think I'm making fun of them too. The Cheneys scare me. Especially Mrs Cheney. Whatever you do, don't ever let her shake your hand. More on that tomorrow.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-916151172003-03-29T14:54:00.000-05:002003-03-29T18:06:18.000-05:00I'm in trouble
My wife Laura heard CNN on the TV and wondered why I'd be watching that. She knows I think news is stupid. I like ESPN, Fox Sports, and Nickelodeon. Sometimes I watch HBO, but General Ashcroft says that it's a wicked channel, and that I'll go to Hell if I watch it.
Anyway, I was kind of feeling..ahh you know...ahhh...like a bull in a pen full of heifers, so I decided to touch Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-914613622003-03-27T00:32:00.000-05:002003-03-27T00:59:35.000-05:00Why is everyone mad at Al Jazeera?
This morning, while I was eating Captain Crunch and playing Super Mario Brothers, I overheard Mr Cheney in the next room telling General Ashcroft that they kicked Al Jazeera out of the stock market. I couldn't figure out why anyone would be mad at Mr Jazeera -- he's not really a vampire -- so I asked Mr Cheney what was wrong. He told me not to worry about it Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-911739272003-03-22T05:18:00.000-05:002003-03-22T18:14:34.000-05:00I'm at Camp Dave again
Mr. Rove is mad because because I yelled "fuckin' A" and high-fived everyone when we bombed the crap out of Iraq, yesterday. He says it wasn't presidential. I say if you can't take delight in bombing then why do it at all.
Anyway, I'm at Camp Dave again, and it's cool. I don't have to watch the war all the time on TV--the bombing only takes a few minutes and then it's a Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-910800292003-03-20T15:57:00.000-05:002003-03-20T16:13:50.000-05:00It's begun
I can't say much about it yet, but we've begun our attack of Iraq. I don't think it should take long, so I'm pretty eager to get my car--spoils of war and all that. That'll be great. It'll give me a level of freedom I haven't had up until now. I've always had to ask Mr. Rove for a ride and he says no most of the time.
I've lived in Washington for over two years now and I still Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-909046692003-03-18T00:24:00.000-05:002003-03-18T01:12:16.000-05:00We're going to war
I hope I get to wear a uniform. That would be so cool. Daddy never got to wear one. He didn't get Saddam. I will. I will be a greater president than my Daddy.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-907737822003-03-15T15:03:00.000-05:002003-03-15T15:19:06.000-05:00Homeland Security Alert
Before I go, I think I'd better put out this Homeland Security Alert. I asked Mr. Ridge to do it, but he just tussled my hair and laughed.
Our head gardner's sister's friend recently went out on a date. As is too often the case in our permissive society, she ended up "parking" with a guy in a "lovers lane." Well, they were kissing and stuff when they heard on the radio Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-907567742003-03-15T05:01:00.000-05:002003-03-15T05:03:24.000-05:00I'm off to a zore
I'm not really sure what a zore is, but I'm going to one. They tell me there are a lot of porch geese there. Can you imagine that. I'm going to bring my bb gun.
Mr. Blair or Mr Tony --I can never remember which name is the last one-- is going to be there. My one secretary named Colin says that this trip is supposed to help Tony stay in labor a little longer. That shows you Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-907189182003-03-14T12:23:00.000-05:002003-03-14T13:04:19.000-05:00My Secret Road Map for Middle East Peace
Today I announced that I have a secret road map for Middle East peace that I'll show to the public as soon as the Palestinians elect a new pryminister. Mr. Cheney hasn't shown me the road map yet, but from what I've heard, it starts at my ranch in Crawford, Texas and ends in Palestine with beer stops in Waco and Teague.
I'm not sure how this will all Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-905916452003-03-12T10:54:00.000-05:002003-03-12T11:03:18.000-05:00I'll be gone until Friday
I'll be out at Camp Dave with Gen. JC Christian. We're going to watch gladiator movies. I guess we're going to cook too. He said he wanted me to toss his salad.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-905055312003-03-11T00:54:00.000-05:002003-03-11T00:54:52.903-05:00MAMA!Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-905052742003-03-11T00:48:00.000-05:002003-03-11T00:48:58.873-05:00Hello? Is anybody out there?
President Nixon keeps calling me "Bebe". I don't like this. Please call Mr. Rove.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-905040882003-03-11T00:24:00.000-05:002003-03-11T00:32:42.000-05:00 Has anyone been able to get a hold of Mr Rove?
President Nixon is here now. He has horns. He want's me to show him "the button," but Mr. Cheney says that I shouldn't ever play with it.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-905037402003-03-11T00:16:00.000-05:002003-03-12T00:29:52.000-05:00Please call Mr. Rove
Helen Thomas is sitting on my bed next to my phone. Every time I try to grab it, she reaches out to me with some kind of hideous lobster claw. I don't know what to do.
She was here when I came back from the infirmary. I sneak down there every night and drink all of the NyQuil. -- I have the sniffles. Tonight, after the fourth time I drained the NyQuil bong Noel made for meGen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-903297242003-03-07T19:17:00.000-05:002003-03-12T00:30:30.000-05:00I wasn't on drugs last night
Tom Shales reported today that it seemed like I was on drugs during last night's news conference. Nothing could be further from the truth. I don't use drugs.
If I seemed a bit sluggish and spacy, it was only because Mr. Rove and Mr. Fleischer had me memorizing my lines throughout the previous day and night. I was just plum tuckered out.
It's also possible that I Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-902270752003-03-06T03:11:00.000-05:002003-03-06T03:11:14.513-05:00My plan to kill Saddam bin Laden
I've been thinking real hard about ways to astigmatism Saddam bin Laden -- he tried to kill my daddy. I'm under a lot of pressure, because I think Jeb might beat me to it. I heard someone saying that he might put Saddam into the Florida foster child care program. I've got to beat him to it. This is my chance to show mom that I'm just as good as Neal.
Anyway, I Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-900174982003-03-02T18:09:00.000-05:002003-03-02T18:26:55.000-05:00I'm popular
It looks like Paula Zahn has created a blog about me. She's on TV. I think she likes me.Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-899862592003-03-02T00:55:00.000-05:002003-03-02T04:28:41.000-05:00Paying for the war
This war we're about to wage against Saddam bin Laden is going to cost us a whole lot of money -- at least a million dollars! I think I've figured out a way to raise it.
Yesterday, I got an email from Mrs. Mike Azuka. She's the widow on the late Umpire of Nigeria. He had about a gazillion dollars when he died, but if Mrs Azuka tries to withdraw it from the secret swiss bank Gen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5118083.post-899834502003-03-01T23:40:00.000-05:002003-03-02T00:10:27.000-05:00Hello, this is your President speaking or writing or whatever
Please forgive me if this blog thing looks a little wierd. I'm not allowed to use a computer very often, but I found this one in an office nobody uses. An old drinking buddy of mine, Gen. JC Christian, is helping me figure out how to use it.
I don't like being President no more. They make me makes speeches all of the time and that'sGen. JC Christian, Patriothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18168245574200791393noreply@blogger.com1