Mexico is fun. Canada is evil

My friend, Gen. JC Christian, tells me that people are making fun of me for saying that a certain Canadian official is a very pretty man. I said that while I was in Mexico. I like Mexico. It's a fun place, but it seems like I always get in trouble there.

My father use to get mad at me for things I did in Mexico. He would yell at me and call me a useless drunk. Mother always defended me. "Leave W alone, you wimpy little bastard," she'd say, "people are supposed to experiment when they go to Mexico." Mother is always right. It's ok to experiment in Mexico and that's all I was doing when I said that man was pretty.

Our trip to Mexico was a success. Presidente--that's how they say "president" in Mexican--Fox even said good things about me. The Canadians were a different story. One of their officials denied a very important request that I made to him. We can't allow something like that to happen. That's why I've asked that Canada be added to our list of axes that are evil. I told Condi to put it in my State of the Union Speech.

I've also asked my man-secretary, Mr. Rumsfeld, to draft up invasion plans against Canada. When I told him why, he said that we couldn't get the American public to go to war over something like that. I replied that maybe we could say that they had bad weapons hidden in their vast natural gas reserves. That made Mr. Rumsfeld smile really big, and he said we'd that we'd liberate Edmonton by Easter.