It's been awhile since I've talked to you. Mr. Cheney grounded me after I caught him and Mrs. Cheney reenacting the butter scene from "Last Tango in Paris" for a fundraising event. They confiscated my Ny-Quil bong and everything.
It seems like I'm always in trouble. Mr. Rove is still mad that I told Mr. Hume that I never read newspapers and that I get all of my news from my aides. I can't figure out why he's so angry about it. After all, it's true. I don't see anything wrong with that.
They should all be very happy. Everything's going great. Iranistan, and Syriastan have been defeated and Miss Rice says that Iraqistan has applied for statehood. Saddam bin Laden surrendered months ago and led us to his huge stash of atom bombs. The UN has disbanded and all the countries have pledged their support for anything we do. My negro man-secretary, Colin, says I'm bigger than Tobey Keith in Afghanistan. Then he laughs and looks at me kind of funny. I think he's a bit jealous.
Mr. Card says that I'm better at creating jobs than President Kirby--or was that Hoover. I can never get those two straight.
Mr. Libby smiles at me all the time, but he's too busy talking to Mr. Novak to watch cartoons with me any more. I think he's mad at somebody. He's always saying, "We'll get that son of a bitch," when he's on the phone.
Mr. Limbaugh is in the hospital. The doctors have to remove a monkey that's stuck on his back. Isn't that funny! How could that happen? I called him up to ask him and he asked me to go down to Anacostia and score for him. He said if I did, he'd get me something better than Ny-Quil once he got out. I tried to help him out, but the coach at Anacostia High wouldn't let me in the game.
Well, that's all the latest news. I need to get back home. Laura promised to read me a story tonight.