This war we're about to wage against Saddam bin Laden is going to cost us a whole lot of money -- at least a million dollars! I think I've figured out a way to raise it.
Yesterday, I got an email from Mrs. Mike Azuka. She's the widow on the late Umpire of Nigeria. He had about a gazillion dollars when he died, but if Mrs Azuka tries to withdraw it from the secret swiss bank account, it will be convoluted by the liberals in her country. They want to spend it on socialism stuff like food. Anyway, she can't let the liberals know which bank has it, so she says she'll give me 5 million dollars if I withdraw the money for her.
She's a little bit worried that I'll run off with all that cash, about 12 million in all, so she's asked that I give her 10 million dollars to hold as colander until the deal is completed. Anyway, it's a good deal for everyone. She get's her 12 million. I get 5 million. I give 1 million to the treasury to pay for the war and another 2.3 million to Mr. Rove. I have a deal with him where I have to pay him 10% of everything I earn. That leaves me with 4.9 million dollars to spend how ever I want.
The problem with this is that I don't have access to 10 million dollars. I haven't been allowed to handle money since I almost destroyed my nose during my oil man days. That's where you can help. All you need to do is write your congressman and ask him to abrogate 10 million dollars to me. Please do this right away or Mrs. Azuka might find someone else.