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George W Bush, President

Thursday, March 06, 2003

My plan to kill Saddam bin Laden

I've been thinking real hard about ways to astigmatism Saddam bin Laden -- he tried to kill my daddy. I'm under a lot of pressure, because I think Jeb might beat me to it. I heard someone saying that he might put Saddam into the Florida foster child care program. I've got to beat him to it. This is my chance to show mom that I'm just as good as Neal.

Anyway, I was watching TV today, and all of a sudden a plan formica'ed in my brain. All we have to do is find a road that Saddam likes to travel. At some point, there needs to be a cliff right next to that road. We'll paint a big old target right there and we'll put Saddam's favorite food in the middle of it. We'll have one of them ACME anvil thingies at the top of the cliff. When Saddam comes along, he'll see the food, and he'll stop to eat it. Then, we'll push the anvil off of the cliff and onto Saddam's head.

The anvil probably won't actually kill him. My best guess is that it will bend around his head in a kind of horseshoe shape giving him a head combustion like Steve Young use to always get. Then a bump will grow on his head real fast and the bent up anvil will shoot off the top of his noggin and fall onto his foot. This will hurt a lot and will give us time to run down from the cliff and capture him. Then we can fry him in the 'lectric chair. That'll be fun. I don't get to do that as much since I've been president.

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