Tom Shales reported today that it seemed like I was on drugs during last night's news conference. Nothing could be further from the truth. I don't use drugs.
If I seemed a bit sluggish and spacy, it was only because Mr. Rove and Mr. Fleischer had me memorizing my lines throughout the previous day and night. I was just plum tuckered out.
It's also possible that I was feeling the effects of the three bottles of NyQuil. I chugged down 10 minutes before I stumbled up to the podium. I have the sniffles.
The Ativan and Halcion I took may have contributed as well. Mr. Rove made the doctor give them to me because I refused to leave my room. I was worried that Helen Thomas would eat me. She's Lebanese you know. They're Arabs who like women and they eat little Christian boys. That's what Reverend Falwell told me.
Anyway, this whole thing made me so angry that I went over to the Washinton Post Tutorial Board today and gave them a piece of my mind. General JC Christian recorded it and posted the audio file on his blog.