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George W Bush, President

Saturday, March 15, 2003

Homeland Security Alert

Before I go, I think I'd better put out this Homeland Security Alert. I asked Mr. Ridge to do it, but he just tussled my hair and laughed.

Our head gardner's sister's friend recently went out on a date. As is too often the case in our permissive society, she ended up "parking" with a guy in a "lovers lane." Well, they were kissing and stuff when they heard on the radio that a one armed crazy man had escaped from a nearby mental hospital. The report said he was very dangerous and that he killed people with a hook he had instead of a hand.

They continued to make out until they heard a scratching sound on their car. That kind of freaked them out, but they went on touching each other inappropriately anyway.

Then they heard the scratching again. This time they panicked. The boyfriend threw the car into drive and took off like a bat out of heck. When he got home, he examined the car and found a bloody hook stuck to the bumper!

This guy is still out there, so be careful. Don't let the fact that we're only in a yellow alert lull you into complacency. I'm trying to get everything upped to orange, but it isn't easy. Until then, be very very wary.


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